Friendships based on our Shaping Virtues
Years ago I was leading a Bible Study with an eclectic group of new Christians and some non-Christians. The last study was on the importance of the local church. And after the meeting I was talking to one of the participants and I wasn’t sure where he stood with everything. So I said, “Bill, are you planning on coming to church now that the Bible study is over?” And he said in a definitive way, “It ain’t gonna be that easy!” And I said, “Why’s that Bill?” To which he replied, “Spring and all.” Bill wasn’t a farmer so I am not sure what he was talking about but my guess is that it had to do with mulch and tending to his yard.
“It ain’t gonna be that easy.” This is true for many things that God calls us to, but it’s especially true when it comes to reaching out to others with the message of the gospel. It ain’t gonna be that easy. And one of the reasons for this is that we live in a rapidly evolving, post Christian world. We live in a different universe than non-Christians. Our neighbors and co-workers and classmates and family members don’t know the bible and they don’t understand the gospel. And they don’t think that any of it is really relevant to their lives. Many of them view Christianity as a tool of oppression and some view sharing the gospel as a form of hate speech.
One of the problems is that Jesus and the Bible and the gospel don’t seem reasonable or believable. The whole thing isn’t plausible to many people. Sociologist have coined the phrase, “plausibility structures” which determine for us whether a story is believable or unbelievable. The main factor in determining our plausibility structures are the communities that we interact with. Sam Chan says,
“One of the major reasons our friends aren’t Christians is that they don’t belong to a community of friends who also believe in Jesus. It’s not primarily because they haven’t heard the gospel (they probably haven’t, but they already think they know what you believe). It’s not because there’s not enough evidence for the Christian faith (because no matter how much evidence you produce, they’ll explain it away). In many cases, the number one reason our friends aren’t Christians is that they don’t have any other Christian friends.”
This is why an important part of our outreach strategy is building friendships with non-Christians. But not just one on one friendships. One of the most effective things we can do is to bring our unbelieving friends into our world of friendships. Exposing them to the friendships we have, is one of the best ways to adjust their plausibility structures – to make them think differently about the relevance and truth of the gospel.
And this is where our shaping virtues play such a key role. Our shaping virtues are not just ways for us to grow individually, bring glory to God individually, and bless others individually. They are meant to testify to the power of the gospel which has changed our lives, not just as individuals but as a community. This is what we call our corporate witness. Together, as the church, our virtues testify to the truth and power of Christ, that has changed our lives.
Acts 2:42-47 shows us the power of a strong corporate witness.
“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”
Like the early church, our virtues have a direct connection to our witness. The early church was shockingly different from the culture around them. They were doing things together that they weren’t doing before. When the Holy Spirit filled them, they immediately became devoted to the church and the teaching of God’s word. They joined their lives together in deep fellowship – eating together and praying together and sharing life together. They also were extraordinarily generous, sharing everything they had and even selling their possessions to give to each other. And these changes, these differences showed the watching world the power of the gospel.
Their love for one another made the world sit up and take notice. And the same is true for us. Our virtues are directly connected to our witness. When non-Christians see biblical virtues and godly character in our lives, how could they not take notice?
Joy
Take joy as an example. The world does not and cannot know the joy that we do. How could they? It’s very difficult to experience joy when this life is all there is. And it’s even harder when you don’t have a relationship with Christ. But we do. And we know the joy of being united to Christ and secure in his love. Unbelievers should see the joy of Christ in our lives.
Gratitude
Or think about gratitude. We are not a very grateful people nowadays. It feels like ungratefulness is the shaping virtue in our culture. We’re more demanding, rude and judgmental than ever before. But this should not be the case with Christians. We should be the most thankful people on the planet. Are you thankful when you’re chatting with a co-worker or talking to a neighbor or are you a complainer?
Humility
One of the rarest virtues we can embody is humility. What we have to say is really important, but how we say it may make the difference between whether someone hears us or not. Humility should mark our interactions with others, just like it did for Jesus. When we listen well, ask good questions and respect the person we’re talking to, it shows non-Christians what Christ is like. In a world that has thrown listening and respect out the window, let’s be people that demonstrate humility even when it’s not being demonstrated to us.
Let’s say you have a neighbor you want to reach out to but you don’t know how. Maybe they seemed a little intimidating or unfriendly or maybe you’re afraid that they might reject you. What should you do? How about looking for ways to serve them: making a meal, watching their dog, mowing their lawn when they’re away. During the pandemic my sons and I helped our neighbors build a new deck on the back of their house. We were all trapped at home anyway, so it was a perfect time to do something like this. It created great relationships and we got to eat together a lot on our breaks. A week after we finished, they had us over (on their new deck) for a thank you dinner and the wife said that what we did was the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for them. If our goal is to show people the power of the gospel, then let’s show them the servant heart of Christ by finding ways to serve.
Toward the end of our Bridge Course we go away with everyone for an overnight retreat. It’s not cheap, so to make sure our guests join us we provided scholarships for whoever needs them. I tell our guests that the members of our church (most of whom they have never met) give generously so that you can go on the retreat even if you can’t pay a dime. This generosity is a clear demonstration of the generosity of God toward us. Think about ways that you can be generous: giving an extra big tip to a waitress, letting an unbeliever borrow something, or taking someone out to coffee of lunch. This kind of generosity is not only unusual, it’s a testament of the power of God who has freed us from the love of money.
All of the shaping virtues are important for us as individual followers of Christ. But the reality is that your co-worker or neighbor can write you off as an exception. They can see your joy as a rare personality trait. They can take your thankfulness and chalk it up to a good upbringing. But when they see a church that is full of joy. When they meet other believers who are filled with thankfulness, they can’t write you off anymore. That’s why one of the most strategic things we can do, in seeking to reach out to others, is to bring them into contact with other Christians, whether that’s in our home or at church, at a dinner party or in a ministry setting. Our corporate witness can only take place when non-Christians see our relationships with each other.
During our Bridge Course we have many from our church serving in different roles – group leaders and assistants, people serving in the kitchen, administration and child care. One of the things that guests will often comment about is the way we care for one another. They see the deep bonds we have for one another and it makes a loud statement. It’s not unusual for someone serving in Bridge to be returning Tupperware for a meal that was made for someone or to see us hugging one another or giving someone a ride. This mutual care provides a powerful witness to the watching world.
Encouragement
Or think about encouragement. One of the things we do in our family is to encourage one another when it’s our birthday. It’s really good for the unbelievers in my family to see this. It’s not something that they’re going to see in the world. But it is something they should see in the church. Our encouragement is a reflection of God’s love and the favor that he pours out on us. The world sees God as negative and sour, someone that is usually disappointed and hard to please. But that is not the God we serve – he is a God that overflows with love and encouragement. He even rejoices over us.
Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35). Let’s be a people that not only love the lost, let’s love one another so that those around us might see a visible demonstration of the power of the gospel that has transformed our lives.
“Our Lord attracted sinners because He was different. They drew near to Him because they thought there was something different about Him. And the world always expects us to be different. This idea that you are going to win people to the Christian faith by showing them that after all you are remarkable like them, is theologically and psychologically a profound blunder.”
~Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Even though this issue of the journal is on our shaping virtues, we want to include an outward/witness component. Some of these qualities strengthen our witness by informing how we relate to unbelievers (humility, generosity, servanthood), and others strengthen our witness by what unbelievers observe in how we relate to each other as Christians (mutual care, generosity) or how we live (joy, gratitude, etc.). The idea is that as we live this way and become this kind of community, it enhances our witness and adorns the gospel we proclaim. So the main point of this article is not to share the gospel with others (evangelism), but how these shaping virtues contribute to our witness.
The virtues are not just for us and our sanctification (growth) but for others. How you live matters.
